HELPING CHILDREN MANAGE ANXIETY
A typical response of parents to a child's anxious thoughts or feelings is to
dive in and try to problem solve. Actually that is often the response when we as
adults encounter anxiety in our friends, partners or family members. It hurts to
see people we love feel uncomfortable so we try to eliminate the culprit of
anxiety. Although we may want to sweep it quickly away the truth is we are often
sweeping the effects away and not addressing the cause.
It is important to understand that in a moment of anxiety a child's ability to
hear you and understand you is significantly diminished . Their pre-fontal
cortex ( logic centre ) is on a mini vacation and emotions have taken over. So before we can check in with a child we need to find a way to pump the brakes on an emotional runaway vehicle.
A great
place to start is with the following acronym coined by Bloom Yoga which explores a context in which you can support your child. The key is always consistency. You are in fact engaging in a regime to help your child to wholeness.
Who does'nt want more Peace ?
PEACE
P
Pause or
Interrupt the anxious signal. Deep Belly Breaths are a great way to calm the
nervous system. Clapping of hands is also a physical way to invite a positive
pause and break the momentum of the anxiety
E
Evaluate : What's going on ? What was the trigger ? Use prompt words
Who ?, What ? Where ? . This builds self awareness. Be mindful that we all have different triggers so comparisons with a sibling or another child can intensify the feeling rather than dissipate.
A
Acknowledge your child's account of what they are feeling or the experience. Be mindful to not minimize their experience or over dramitize. I see you. I hear you. I love you
C
Care without Co- dependence . Sounds simple but we
express care in a multitude of ways and sometimes that leads to a sense of dependency rather than encouraging a meaningful way to process emotions. The aim is to support self regulation rather than pacification.
E
Empower. You have a winning opportunity to offer tools for future self
management. Collaborate on a tools that can really help everyone WIN. Parents
too.
Here are 3 tools that you can use.
1.Creatively give Anxiety a name or
character.
This is actually a great opportunity to explore emotions . The Smurfs
are a great tool to use. Grumpy Smurf, Happy Smurf, Worried Smurf etc. Have a
conversation about each of the smurfs and the characteristics. Saying I feel
like a worried smurf puts some distance between the feeling so that a child
recognizes that they are not their anxiety. Discussing all the emotions also puts
things into context of the array of feelings a person can feel.
These are some
books that can support you in creative measures
The Worry Workbook for Kids by
Muniya Khanna and licensed psychologist Deborah Roth Ledley, Ph.D.
Help Your
Dragon Deal With Anxiety by Steve Herman
Outsmarting Worry by Dawn Huebner
What
to Do When You Worry Too Much Dawn Huebner
Of course you can also share your personal experiences with your children.
2.
Start a mindfulness or meditation practice.
Mindfulness and meditation
practices help children to let thoughts go gently by and become a witness to
their thoughts rather than be completely absorbed by a thought. One of the ways
I teach this is my encouraging a daily sitting time of 5 - 7 minutes where we
watch our thoughts using analogies . They can be leaves, clouds
or waves. When we are sitting we never try to grab a cloud or a wave or a leaf
so let's do the same with our thoughts.
Every time a thought comes we watch and
let it go just as a cloud or leaf or wave. This type of practice is very helpful
and with daily sitting a child is learning mastery over their anxious thoughts.
Preventative care works best.
3. Intentional Braving
When a child is worried or
anxious they avoid situations that trigger their feelings. Identify with your
child what their tendencies are regarding Fight Flight or Freeze. This can be a
typical response or it may vary depending on the situation. The aim is to
introduce a new response. FACE. When a child is afraid to try a yoga pose I
always break the pose down into as many parts as need be. Sometimes its a 3 step
journey. Other times it's a 100 step journey over a full school term. The point
is to foster resilience and to expand their brave meter. Making agreements with
students on the step we will take today is helpful in intentional braving. As a
parent you can translate this practice to any activity or situation that is a
trigger for your child. Small steps. Small steps repeatedly is progress. This
really works!! !
Happy to be of service. Hope this helps you and your family.
May children everywhere be happy safe loved and well.
Next Week
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